The Beauty of Being Depressed for a Short Time.

"Stop being sad/ Don't be sad".
We often hear these words when we are in bad situation where we feel like the whole world trying to break us into pieces. Feeling like the earth trying to bend you to see how far you can bend before you break.

Let me tell you something.

Whenever my heart is wrenching, breaking and my confidence is shaking, I let it be. I'm having hard time believing myself as a good person. I don't feel fit in my own skin. My 'crying to sleep at night' are countless, sometimes it's simply because of a silly thing, but those small things effect me because I'm so fragile. Having people just left me countless time because I'm too difficult they said. Having friends distance themselves from me because I'm constantly breaking in the middle of something which ruined their day. Is not easy being depress, you constantly trying to have a shoulder for you to lean on but at the same time you push the person away because you feel like being the anchor in their life and that is what makes you ashamed of being depress. It's not easy either to pretend to smile and laugh because in result you become so silent at one point which makes people questions if they did something wrong. I could just cry only by seeing people ignore me when I feel in need to talk to them as I see like I'm never matter in anyone's life.

If you ever feel like being sad and crying yourself into sleep is a bad thing, then you're wrong.

No, once in awhile, you need to let the sad feeling loose and get it to you. It's a normal phase that everyone need to go through.
Being sad doesn't always give you the bad impact s on your life.
Being sad makes you learn to be a better person, precisely; protective person, which makes you love yourself more after the phase. You learn how to control and take care yourself better because now you know the things that make you hurts and you learn how to tolerate with it.

God doesn't create sad feeling for nothing. Without hurting you won't know what you should know. Being sad make your feet touch the ground again and easily grateful for what you have in the meantime.

Being sad make you closer to God. Ever curls in the bed and wondering why do your life turn to be this way and questioned God destiny? Believe me that do not result as you don't believe in God's power and His plan but it's a step that you still believe in God and know that He's still listening and that's why you still talking to him. Don't take everything as negative, believe that everything happens for a reason and be grateful that you still talking to Him and remember that He's still listening. Knows that God don't just come down and talk to you in person but He will bring you to someone to make you closer to the happiness path.

If your heart is breaking and you try to make yourself busy then you wouldn't have time to sit and think what did go wrong, what mistakes that you did and so on. How are you going to have a better future if you don't learn from mistakes and will repeat the same mistakes over and over? Doesn't matter who do you wrong, what's important that after you know yourself better, you know your limits and how to make sure that you're treated the way you want to be.

Time after time, I start to awake from my darkness and light my own fire to my own path. I roar when obstacle trying to drag me back down again and by meaning obstacle is that the people who couldn't just sit tight and let my wings grow to be ready to spread and fly. I'm not scared anymore because I've been depressed for so long, questioning what did goes wrong. I realize that people have been mistreated me and my mistake that I waited long enough to speak my heart out.

To the depress people out there, there is still a chance. You just need to put trust on something that really reliable and dependable, mine is always my God. I'm done putting my trust on human who speaks more than their action. I stopped having high hopes on human but put higher hopes to God. Even I'm so much sinful as what the 'righteous people' said, but I believe God doesn't just made me like this just to leave me in despair. I believe He made this rough path as I go and experience it and will serve me to the beautiful at the end. And of course, these are only my 2 cents advice. Peace <3 p="">

A Journey Begin in Norway, Oslo Part 1

16 April 2016
Bangun awal pagi, terus bukak internet and tanda dekat map Oslo. Takut meraban sesat nanti. The weather is so good. Sunny and not too cold like Leeds. Buat rasa tak sabar nak keluar and jalan-jalan around town. I left my hotel around 11 am, kira-kira nampak matahari betul-betul terik baru saya keluar. Sambil jalan-jalan tu cari lah masjid yang dikatakan dekat dengan hotel saya. Memang betul dekat, less than 5 minutes walk, nama masjid tersebut Central Jamaat Ahl-e-Sunnat, so sesiapa bg yang muslim sampai sini time jumaat, bolehla solat sini and merasa solat Jumaat di negara asing. Tengok keliling kawasan masjid ni baru perasan, it's a muslim community here, banyak kedai halal tapi tak singgah sebab tengok harga rasa nak menangis. Salad je £10, takpe lah, jamu mata je, hahaa. Teruskan perjalanan menggunakan google Map, bg sesiapa yang pakai Iphone disarankan download google maps sbb map yang dah tersedia ada dekat Iphone tak dapat indicate the public transport in Norway, but Google map boleh, siap bg detail of bus stop number and location and berapa stop before your final destinations.

 
Gambar ni di ambil around Vaterlandsparken and Oslo Spectrum, jumpa pun saat kebetulan, nampak sculpture tergantung seolah manusia diving in the ocean. Tak seindah ciptaanMu, tapi masih mengagumkan.
Setelah 20 minutes wandering around mencari pesisiran perlabuhan Oslo, tiba-tiba saya confuse sebab dalam perjalanan ikut google map ni, di depan saya ada 2 orang tentera menjaga satu pintu gerbang, tp saya tengok ramai je keluar masuk, tengok keliling memang dah jalan mati tak boleh kemana, perlahan saya jalan ke pintu gerbang, and the soldiers was just looking at me, probably mereka tahu kot saya confuse saya kat mana. So one of the soldier approach me and ask me where do I want to go, so sy explain nak pergi ke port, the soldier said boleh lalu masuk je dalam and I will find my way there, sy tanya, tempat apa ni, and the soldier said, it's a castle. Tak tahu pulak saya ada castle kat sini, teruja lah jugak lepas dapat tahu.

Nama castle ni Akershus Fortress, memang luas garden dia, banyak rumah-rumah kecil and also ada museum castle called Forsvarsmusset. Not much thing to do here, but scenery, Subhanallah, memang cantik.

Pemandang of Oslo port from castle area. Time sampai tempat ni, tengok ramai bersidai sebab cuaca memang sngt nice, warm.. feels like the home I wish I had. Lama sy duduk bermenungan dekat sini, probably adalah 1 jam lebih, lama tak merasa sun, and these views.. fascinating.. I'm just amazed and blessed.

Trip to Oslo, Norway for the first time.

Sorry, memang panjang nak bercerita, maklumlah, first time sy ke luar dari tanah UK tanpa keluarga sy or ibu abah sy. Even planning nak ke Amsterdam pun dgn mak tauu (sbb mak tak bg p sorang2, haahahha), rasa tak mcm mana excited and at the same time terrified nak travel tanpa keluarga tercinta. Dah la pergi tak bgtau mereka. Sebab tau kalau sy bgtau pastilah tak senang mak abah yg tengah honeymoon time ni. Mahu tak mereka akan pack barang from Italy terbang ke tanah Norway sbb anak manja gedik yg tak independent ni nak pergi Norway pulakk. Sorang-sorang pulak tuhh. Dah la nak pergi rumah atuk sendiri dari Sungai Buloh ke Selayang pun sesat. Hahaha! Okay, masa planning ke Amsterdam memang tak berani lah nak pergi sorang2. Mana tak nya, dah la tak pernah travel sorang2 lepastu your first move nak pergi negara yg bebas segala benda yg tak bebas di negara lain (if you know what I mean ). But I feel more confident nak travel ke Norway compared Amsterdam (even I like Amsterdam more!) since Norway is a very safe and peaceful country. Lalu berangkatlah Beta, meninggalkan segala urusan kerja untuk mencari ketenangan di North part of Europe. People here are  sooooo soooo sooooo niceeeeeeee. It this is one of many reasons I like Norway, Oslo. Sampai Oslo was around 12am, turun dekat Rygge Airport and from there naik Ryanair Bus (160 NOK) to the main bus staition in Oslo, lepastu meraban cari mcm mana nak keluar dari aiport and naik public transport. Benda pertama yg sngt typical is follow semua org keluar, semua sign board dalam bahasa asing. Putar belit lidah. Lepas sampai tempat semua org berhenti at one of the bus stop, sambil cek kat jadual bus ckp sorang2, 'N5' to go to Toyen, my hotel, tak jumpa.. Lepastu cek map kat phone, sekali one guy tegur suruh jalan lg ke bawah and jumpa bus N5. Lalu turun la puteri mencari bus stop for N5 bus. Haha. Sampai mmg betul, check map bus stop point sampai mana. Masa cek tu perasan jugak ada one asian girl pandang2 and tengok map from where I was standing and another bus stop next to me. 5 minutes lepastu baru lah dia tegur and tanya nak pergi mana, so sy explain dia pun determined nak tolong even tak berapa jelas english dia. Lepas naik bus yg sama, nak beli tiket tu, bus around 140 NOK so hulur 500 NOK, driver tengok sy terkial2, senyum terus geleng tanda tak payah bayar ️. Thank uuu uncleee, save £12.80. Terus pusing cari the asian girl yg tolong tadi. This girl from Philippine and work here for years, sebelum nak turun dari bus, the girl pesan kat sy suruh turun dekat Radhus (City Hall) around 9am, sbb Oslo goverment bg pass free (Oslo Pass), disarankan beli Oslo Pass, sngt jimat and bayar sekali tak perlu topup mcm Oyster card and this pass is also for most of the great museums that you have to go. And I got it for freeeee!!! Imagine how lucky I was to arrived at Oslo, tempat mahal ni, at the right time to get anywhere free? Bertambah excited sngt! Naik cruise! yeay! Turun je bus, lg sekali menceceh nak cari destinasi hotel, berdiri sekejab tengok keliling if ada signboard, lg sekali Allah S.W.T. tolong sy, a gentlemen(handsome, hahahah) approach me and ask where I want to go, lepas tunjuk nama hotel and address dia pun tunjuk jalan. Sampai hotel, okay mmg tangga je ada sepanjang nak pergi ke my hotel room but it  was so nice and cozy, alone with my own kitchen and bathroom, but I got triple bed instead of twin as they stated. Okay, probably korang akan ckp ‘kenapa duduk hotel? why not hostel? isn't much more cheaper?’. Ok, kalau nak tahu cerita another lucky thing that probably Allah nk memudahkan perjalanan sy ke tanah Norway ni, I booked a hostel for me at the first time and cost me around 640 NOK for 3 nights, which the cheapest one I could get with kitchen (disarankan amik any hostel or hotel with kitchen since the restaurant here is too expensive, imagine the cheapest sandwich dekat REMA is £5?? and it's egg and prawn sandwich), but seminggu sebelum nak pergi, I got deals from booking.com on hotel deal, twin room for 660 NOK, sekali dengan PRIVATE kitchen and bathroom! Just add another £1.70 after convert from NOK. So I took the deal of course instead duduk hostel yg dikatakan murah and jauh dari centre and kongsi with another 3 stranger girl (female dorm), and the hotel that I got is so near to the center. Just jalan kaki that take less than 20 minutes walk. Nama hotel tak ingt. Tapi selalu lah kena rajin check dekat booking.com or senang terus sign up so diorang akan email you the good deals. Bertuah tak? heeee... Okay, sampai sini je nak explain for the first night sampai Oslo. Nanti next section of my tour to museums, gallery and cruise trip, I will update soon! <3 span="">